


Mother I'd Like to *

by 28sunflowers



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Family Dynamics, Humor, Implied Mpreg, Inappropriate teenagers, M/M, MILF Harry, Mother Harry, Unrequited teenage crush on an adult, but in a funny and weird way, there's not harrassment here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:40:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24928576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/28sunflowers/pseuds/28sunflowers
Summary: “What’s up, dad?” Oliver asks Louis, standing in front of Harry in a way that hides his friends from the view.“Is there something wrong with your mom? Your friends are staring a lot.”Oliver goes beet red at that. He groans and hides his face on his hands.“Oh my god. Oh my god.”---------------------Written for the prompt: Harry’s and Louis’ son is like 16, so he is hanging out with his friends and his friends are teasing him about how hot his mother (aka harry) is, just like the 1D boys always did with Harry about Anne. The son feels super uncomfortable and Louis is super confused why these little teenagers boys always stare at Harry’s body when he is cooking for them whenever they visit until he finds out they think of Harry as the hottest milf in town (more humor than actual sexual references pls, this is supposed to be more funny than awkwardly sexual :D)
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 55
Kudos: 421
Collections: Momrry Fic Fest 2020





	Mother I'd Like to *

**Author's Note:**

> To the person who submitted this prompt: I hope you like what I did with it! 
> 
> Also, I want to give a special thanks to my amazing beta, Karlee, who was extremely patient with me. You're the reason I finished this and got enough courage to post it. ♥️

“I can help you with that, Mr. H!” Oliver’s friend, Josh, says, rushing to help Harry gather the plates from the table and take them to the kitchen sink.

Oliver groans and Harry gives him a pointed look before smiling at Josh. “That’s very nice of you, Josh. Thank you.”

Harry is too busy putting leftovers away to see the grin Josh gives Oliver.

“Maybe Oliver should learn some more manners from you.”

“I know my manners! I do stuff all the time! You said I didn’t have to today because I had a friend over,” Oliver says exasperatedly, “a friend who could be playing video games with me right now.” Oliver glares at Josh, who just shrugs back at him.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Go ahead Josh, I’ll finish this up on my own.” Harry says, waving both boys out of the kitchen.

Once they’re gone, Harry starts on the dishes. He wonders if something happened earlier to give Oliver that oddly bad mood. Harry knows his son is very rarely rude to his friends, and he almost always volunteers to help cleaning up. _Maybe that game is more important to him than I realized_ , Harry thinks to himself.

\---------------------

Harry jumps out of the car as soon as Louis parks it, going around it to help getting the groceries. He bends over to grab some bags from the trunk, but is startled upright by a commotion. He looks at their house, where Oliver and his friends are sitting by the doorsteps, and they are loudly commenting on something. There’s some whistling, too, and Oliver is blushing deep red, utterly mortified by whatever they are saying.

Harry is brought back to the present by Louis jostling him to reach the rest of the bags.

“What do you think they are talking about?”

Louis at him funnily.

“Sixteen years old gibberish I’m guessing? I don’t know, I don’t remember that age, it was so long ago.” Louis says, closing the trunk.

Harry snorts, “alright, old man. But I do.” He says, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “I met you when I was sixteen and I had a very one tracked mind.”

Louis scoffs indignantly. “Harry!”

“What? It’s true and you know it better than anyone else.” Harry pushes some more.

“Oh my god.” Louis reprimands with a shake of his head, but Harry can hear the amusement underneath the revolted act.

Harry giggles at Louis’ scandalization, hiding it on his shoulder as they get closer to the teenagers.

“Hello, honey. Hi, boys.” Harry smiles at everyone while Louis opens the door.

“Hi, mom.” Oliver almost whispers, looking scandalized. “I’ll help you.”

He stands up abruptly and grabs the shopping bags right out of Harry’s hand, dashing inside.

“Okay”, Harry frowns. He looks back at the boys. They are all staring at him, and Harry feels a bit bugged. Is there something on his face? Are his clothes somehow messed up?

He clears his throat and forces a smile back on his face, “is anyone staying for dinner?”

The boys seem to break out of their trance and he gets “no, sir” and “we’ve gotta get going soon” and “no, thank you, Mr. H” all at the same time.

“Well, then, it was nice seeing you all! I’ll send Oliver back on my way in.” He gives them a small wave and walks to the kitchen. As soon as Oliver sees him, he’s rushing out without saying anything to Harry again.

What’s happening?

Louis slides up behind Harry and wraps his arms around him. “What’s with the frown, love?”

“Did something happen with Oliver? Is there something wrong with me? Feels like he’s avoiding me and his friends were staring.”

Louis rests his head on Harry’s shoulder. “I don’t know, boys that age are strange. There’s nothing wrong with you though. There’s something very right, actually, because these pants make your legs look great.”

Harry rolls his eyes and turns around to wrap his arms around Louis’ neck.

“Thought you were old. Are you sure you can appreciate my legs properly?” Harry mocks him playfully.

“I will show you later.” Louis smirks.

Harry hums and pecks Louis’ mouth quickly. “You do that.”

He squirms out of Louis’ hold to put the groceries away.

\---------------------

Harry can hear the loud conversation downstairs while he fixes his hair. Oliver and his friends have a party on the other side of town, so Louis offered to drive them to it and pick them up after, giving the married couple some much needed time to themselves.

Harry wanted to drive straight back home at first, to enjoy the empty house as much as they can, but Louis convinced him to dress up and go out. They haven’t been on a date in months.

And honestly, Harry forgot how much he likes this: a good dinner with his husband, the anticipation to go back home and have the house to themselves. Harry is happy they’re doing this.

With one last look at his reflection, he’s satisfied. He looks good. Louis will have a hard time keeping his hand to himself. That’s exactly how he wants it to go.

He turns off the lights in their room before going down the stairs.

“I’m ready!” Harry calls from the front door, grabbing a set of keys to lock it behind them.

There’s some whistling as the boys walk towards Harry and Andy is clapping slowly. Harry strikes a pose comically for them.

“Wow, Mr. H! You look amazing!”

“Mr. T is so lucky!”

Oliver whines at that, like it was painful to hear his friends complimenting his mom.

“Don’t be rude, Oliver, your mom looks beautiful.” Louis chastises as he rests his hand on Harry’s lower back and kisses his cheek.

“Totally!” Andy says, and Oliver glares at him.

“The hottest mi –“ Josh starts but gets cut off by Oliver punching his arm.

“Shut up.”

Harry and Louis both freeze at that. Harry doesn’t know what to take from the interaction. After a few tense seconds, he decides to act.

“No violence, please, Oliver. And thank you for the compliments, boys. Let’s go?” Harry opens the door and signals for them to leave.

Josh and Andy follow his orders, but Oliver stays behind. He looks a bit flushed and embarrassed as he clears his throat.

“Sorry, mom. You do look good. Nice shirt,” he whispers, and then rushes to keep up with his friends already in the car.

What just happened? Teenagers must be another human race entirely.

Louis snorts from behind him, “‘Nice shirt’. Our son is so awkward.”

As the three boys pile into the back seat of their car, Louis steps a bit closer to Harry. “The boys are right, you know. I’m so lucky.”

“You are.”

Harry can feel Louis’ lips turning up in a smirk against his ear.

“Maybe we should just stay in.” He suggests provocatively.

Harry laughs, stepping away from his husband. “No way, it’s too late now. You’re wining-and-dining me before bringing me home, Tomlinson.”

\---------------------

A shouted “Mom!” startles Harry out of the article he’s editing. He takes a deep breath to calm his racing heart, hearing Oliver close the front door and make his way through the house.

“Mom?” He tries again.

“In my bedroom!”

Soon enough Oliver reaches the doorway, and Harry pushes himself away from the table. Oliver comes over to peck Harry’s cheek, and then jumps on the bed.

“How was school?”

“Fine, same as always. How is work?”

“Fine, same as always.” Harry copies him and makes a funny face.

Oliver rolls his eyes. “Ugh, okay. School was good. I think I did well in my geopolitics exam. Andy got caught trying to hit on Anna during math class and the teacher called him out in front of everyone.”

Harry chuckles, “oh, no. Poor Andy.”

“It was funny, I don’t think he minded.”

“What about you? Trying to hit on anyone lately?” Harry uses his chance to obtain information from Oliver. He rarely brings romantic topics up with Harry, thinks it’s too embarrassing to talk about it with his mother.

“Mom…” Oliver whines.

“C’mon, baby, you can talk to me about it! Maybe I could give you a different perspective on things. I was a teenager with crushes one day, too, you know? And I’m good at giving advice.” Harry tries to offer detachedly, but even he can hear the excitement in his voice. Harry groans internally. Why couldn’t he play it cool?

Oliver is smiling fondly at Harry though, so Harry figures it’s a win. “God, mom, I know, yeah. Don’t worry. There isn’t anyone to talk about.”

“Alright.” Harry gives up. For now. He turns back to his computer to finish today’s editing before Louis gets home.

“Actually, mom,” Oliver clears his throat and Harry looks at him again. “Can Josh and Luke come over after school on Thursday?”

“Why? It’s a weekday. You can have the boys over on the weekend.”

“It’s for an English project. And the boys really want to do it here. They won’t stop bothering me about it.” Josh makes a disgruntled face.

“Okay,” Harry hesitates, not knowing what Oliver’s expression means. “That’s fine. Invite them for dinner too, then.”

“No.”

Harry laughs. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

Oliver looks embarrassed. He stammers, “I just, I mean, they don’t have to stay for dinner. We can finish the project before that.”

“Nonsense, Oliver.” Harry waves him off. Oliver’s been acting weirder lately, and Harry can’t figure out a reason for it.

Oliver sighs and stands up. “Alright. I’m going to my room now.”

“You can stay and watch TV here, if you want. I’ll be done in a few minutes.”

\---------------------

As soon as dinner was over, Oliver rushed to help his parents clean up the table and asked to be excused.

Now that he’s gone, Harry’s mind drifts back to their conversation earlier that day.

Louis tries to keep a conversation going with him, but gives up after Harry zones out and doesn’t reply appropriately three separate times.

Harry can’t shake off the feeling that something is happening with Oliver. He just needs to find a way to figure it out with the little information he has.

When the dishes are all clean and put away, Harry and Louis head to their living room to watch something together. It’s a bit of a ritual, after so many years together. But once they get comfortable, warmly snuggled together, Louis doesn’t turn on the TV. He turns to Harry with a worried frown.

“What’s up with you tonight, love?”

“I don’t know.” Harry knows his concern might not make much sense, once voiced out loud.

“Try me.” Louis gets his hand through Harry’s hair, combing it away from his face. He doesn’t pressure for an immediate answer, though, giving Harry time to put his thoughts in order and into words.

“Earlier today, Oli said his friends were bugging him to get their school project done here, in our house.” Harry explains.

“Okay.” Louis indulges Harry to coax a better clarification out of him.

“It made me realize that the boys have been spending a lot of time over for the past couple of months.” He adds.

“Well, we aren’t very strict parents.” Louis states, clearly not seeing a problem in the situation.

“Yeah. But, like, Oliver’s been acting weird, too. There could be a connection there.” Harry doesn’t know how to explain it better than that. He just feels like the facts he’s pointing out mean something together.

“Or not. He’s your son.” Louis replies playfully, a small smirk on his lips.

“Hey!” Harry complains, taking Louis’ hand away from his hair.

“I’m just saying, love. You weren’t the most normal sixteen-year-old, and I loved that about you. But I’m pretty sure Anne spent her fair share of time worried about your weirdness.”

Harry makes an affronted noise, even though he knows it’s true.

“No, but listen. I told Oli it was okay to have the boys over for the project and that he should invite them to stay for dinner afterwards, but he said ‘no’.” Harry says, his tone mocking Oliver’s aggressive one from earlier.

Louis laughs at that. “What?”

“Exactly! That was my reaction too. Except it wasn’t a joke, he was serious!” Harry says exasperatedly, while Louis looks amused by the situation and Harry’s reaction to it.

“Oh, baby, you are reading too much into this. Maybe he was being considerate in a strange way. You know, because you’d have to cook for more people or something.”

“Maybe.” Harry isn’t convinced. That hasn’t been an issue before.

“Maybe.” Louis agrees. “Don’t overthink it. If something is wrong, trust that Oli will tell us about it.”

Louis pulls Harry closer to him with the arm he has thrown around his shoulders, making Harry’s head fall onto his chest. He kisses his husband’s head, and goes back to playing with the thick curls comfortingly.

Harry closes his eyes instinctively. Louis always knows how to get Harry relaxed. He sighs in pleasure when Louis’ nails scratch against his scalp.

“Yeah, you’re right. Oli knows he can talk to us.”

“We can reinforce that to him tomorrow if you feel like it would help ease your mind.”

“Thanks. That’s a good idea.”

“Well, that’s sorted then.” Louis grabs the controller that was on the cushions by his side. “Let’s watch another episode of Black Mirror?”

\---------------------

Louis is cutting vegetables while Harry makes tomato sauce to put in the lasagna when three boys trot into their kitchen.

“Hi, Mr. T!” Josh and Luke greet Louis. The boys haven’t seen him yet, busy with their project.

“Hi, Josh, Luke. Hi, Oli. How’s the project going?”

“Hi, dad. We just finished it.” Oliver announces, and plops himself down on a stool. His friends copy him.

“Do you guys want anything while dinner’s not ready? We’ve got juice, tea, biscuits, fruit.” Harry offers from his place by the stove. He looks up and both of Oliver’s friends are looking at him. He gives them a soft smile.

“No, thanks, Mr. H.” Josh replies politely, while Luke shakes his head.

“What is the project about?” Louis asks, trying to keep conversation going with the boys. Oliver is the one who does most of the talking though. Harry thinks the boys must be shy around Louis at first, but when he turns to grab the cut vegetables from Louis, he realizes they are watching him.

Josh and Luke turn their heads quickly, and there’s a slight blush on Luke’s cheek at being caught. Harry furrows his brows but doesn’t say anything, turning back to the stove.

He is startled by Louis’ hand on his back. “Hey, love, step out with me for a second?”

“Sure”, Harry cleans his hands on the kitchen towel and follows Louis to the hallway between the kitchen and the living room. Harry looks expectantly at Louis, waiting for him to speak.

“Are you okay with the boys watching you cook like that?” he whispers.

“Like what?”

Louis shrugs. “I don’t know. Intensively.”

“Well, I don’t love it, but it doesn’t harm anyone.”

“Yeah, I guess not.”

Harry is just about to ask if Louis is too bothered when they hear Oliver saying, “I fucking hate you guys.” He sounds upset.

Louis holds a finger to his lips and tiptoes nearer the kitchen to eavesdrop on the conversation. Harry trails after him, too curious not to.

“No, you don’t, you just can’t handle the truth.” Josh says.

“Yea, Oliver, it’s not our fault he’s a MILF.” Luke adds.

“Oh my god!” Oliver is clearly annoyed. He sighs defeatedly. “Whatever. Just cut back on the drooling, please.”

Louis turns back to Harry, looking as confused as Harry feels. What’s a “MILF”? Are the boys fighting over a school crush? Does Oliver have a boyfriend? Girlfriend? He said he didn’t just yesterday.

Louis squeezes Harry’s waist quickly and then steps into the kitchen. “Do you guys want to play video games while Harry and I finish up here?”

\---------------------

Harry is standing near Louis while he cooks some burgers. It’s the end of the school semester and Oliver asked to have his friends over for a barbecue.

“They are staring again.” Louis comments, clearly bothered by something.

“What?”

“Oliver’s friends.” Louis explains, nodding his head in the direction of a group of five boys – Oliver and his four closest friends.

Oliver rests his head on his hands, being teased about something. And Louis is right, the other four boys are watching him. They look away when they are caught by Harry, but it was obvious that they were looking before.

“Huh. What’s up with that?”

“I don’t know. Do you think we should ask Oliver this time? It’s not very polite of them to keep on doing that.”

“Maybe after –“

“Hey, Oli! Come here for a second, please?” Louis shouts, gesturing for him to come closer.

“What’s up, dad?” Oliver asks, standing in front of Harry in a way that hides his friends from the view.

“Is there something wrong with your mom? Your friends are staring a lot.”

Oliver goes beet red at that, Harry worries he’s gonna pass out or something. He groans and hides his face on his hands again. “Oh my god. Oh my god.”

Harry looks at Louis, who’s just as surprised by Oliver’s reaction. Harry moves to put a hand on their son's shoulder but gets shrugged off.

“What –“

“I don’t wanna talk about it! But mom, please, can you like, maybe, hm,” he hesitates, “like, can you button up your blouse all the way or something?” Oliver looks both embarrassed and scared to be asking that, and doesn’t meet either Harry’s or Louis’ eyes.

Harry looks at Louis totally lost at words, and finds Louis trying not to laugh.

“What?”

Oliver takes a deep breath and finally looks at Harry. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, you don’t have to do anything. I’ll ask them to turn down their ogling.” He says, promptly turning around and going back to his friends.

Louis’ shoulders are shaking with the laughter when Harry looks at him once again. “Oh, Harry, they’re crushing on you.”

“That’s rubbish.” Harry denies, feeling his cheeks warm up at the thought of Oliver’s friends thinking of him like that. He adjusts the collar of his shirt and reaches for the buttons, so he has less chest exposed.

Louis looks too amused for his own good. He reaches for Harry’s waist, pulling him closer. “The boys stare because they think you’re hot.”

“Shut up,” Harry splutters.

Louis chuckles and grabs Harry’s hands away from the buttons, putting them around his neck. He wraps his arms around Harry properly so they’re completely touching. “Don’t do that, darling. Let them look all they want, you’re all mine anyways” Louis whispers against Harry’s lips, kissing him shortly after.

Harry laughs under his breath, and grabs Louis’ hands before they travel any lower. “Stop it, it’s bad enough they, hm,” he blushes again, “that they find me attractive like _that_. We can’t put on a show in front of children.”

Louis makes an agreeing sound, but still kisses Harry’s neck once before taking a deep breath and letting Harry go. “You’re right.” He says, turning back to the burgers. “I feel like the luckiest man alive though, married to the hottest mom in town.” He teases.

“Oh, this is embarrassing. And it explains so much of Oliver’s odd behaviour lately.”

Louis snorts. “It really does.”

\---------------------

Later that night, Harry is brushing his teeth when he hears Louis’ laughter. He peers into their room to see Louis watching his phone gleefully.

“Share the joke?”

“You remember when we heard the boys arguing last month? And Josh said someone’s a MILF?” Louis asks, mischief dancing in his eyes.

“Yes?” Harry replies uncertainly.

“Well, I just googled it and it says ‘ _MILF is an acronym that stands for Mother I’d Like to Fuck’._ ” Louis bursts out laughing again. “Harry, they think you’re a MILF.”

“Don’t be crude!” Harry chastises Louis. “Oh my god.” Harry spits toothpaste and washes his mouth as Louis remains having a great time with that information. Harry dries his face and walks back into their room.

“If you ever use that term again, you’re sleeping in the guest room.” He tries glaring at Louis, but it doesn’t have much force to it. The fact people still find him attractive at the age of forty is flattering, even if the boys are too young.

Louis is still trying to control his chuckles when Harry lies on the bed next to him, “Please, Harry, it’s funny. And you are incredibly hot. It doesn’t really surprise me that Oliver’s friends think so too.”

Harry rolls his eyes, but his mouth betrays him and pulls up in a delighted smile. “How much do you think Oli hates this?”

“Probably a lot.” Louis smirks. “We should totally use it as leverage in future arguments.”

Harry giggles. “My poor baby, he doesn’t deserve that.”

“You say that now, but you’ll think otherwise next time he’s being a shit.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this! 
> 
> Please give me feedback if you can. I'm just a baby writer trying to improve myself.
> 
> You can find the fic's tumblr post [here](https://vintageumbroshirt.tumblr.com/post/625255863680139264/mother-id-like-to-g-35k-by-28sunflowers).


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